A case of the Novembers...

it is here. It snuck up one me, came in quietly like I would have never even know it was right around the corner...then BAM! It's November. My first response last week was "oh no...its here." Ok, so right of the bat I know you are probably wondering "what in the world is her issue with November?" Well what used to be one of the most exciting months of the year for me has turned into dread. My birthday is in November. Thanksgiving and the official kickoff to the holiday season is in November. It should be great!

November and I have a very long track record....and its not a pleasant one. I guess it goes all the way back to 2001. My grandmother and I were EXTREMELY close. I loved her so much. She passed away suddenly in November that year. Her funeral was the day after Thanksgiving and I was so heartbroken. A week later, my paternal grandfather passed away. So within a week of each other, in the same year, in the same month, I lost two grandparents.

From that point, November took a not-so-welcome turn for me. We moved to a new home on my birthday one year and it was such a huge mistake. I quit my job after a very awkward run in with my boss (who was a dear friend) on my birthday the next year. Thank God that relationship has been mended now ans she is still close to my heart.

Then, in November 2008, I faced another trial that I didn't know if I would ever get through. On November 5,  as I am doing my usual and preparing for our Wednesday night service, my phone rings and I receive the news that my father has been in a hunting accident. That phone call led to a November of sitting outside of an Intensive Care unit in Savannah as my father fought for his life. God saw fit that he should pull through this horrible event, and I am so thankful! Daddy is now as good as new and you would never know he had been through such.

November 2009 passed without much fanfare. Nothing big, just a regular November. We were excited to anticipating Caleb's arrival the next Spring, but that was about it. Then came last November...2010. A November that changed my life forever. I don't want to divulge on all the gory details of that month, but in that time, we moved from youth ministry (on my birthday, may I add) and two weeks later, moved from our home, our job, everything we knew. It was all over and gone in a moment. Those of you that know me and my family know how hard this was for us. November had struck again.

Now don't get me wrong. I don't blame November for every one of these events that have happened. They just so coincidentally fall on the same month. I blame Satan for using these things to try to give me a fear when November approaches. This year though, I am changing my life. I am changing my November! I saw last night on Facebook is posting a day by day account of what they are thankful for during the month. Now normally, I never participate in these things, but I really believe doing this in 2011 will help me gain perspective over my life and all that I have to be joyous about. This month is supposed to be about joy and thankfulness. I am thankful for you November! You have tested me and trialed me and I know I am only stronger because of you! So here's to you November! Let's get this month started right!!!!!

Be Blessed and have a great November!
Candi

Plant it and it will grow.....

Yesterday, I started my little garden. Now understand, I have never grown anything in my life (except for that bean that you sprout in science class with wet brown paper towels in a mason jar). But I dug the shallow trenches, sowed the sunflower seeds and there ya go! Just as I had covered the first set of seeds with a layer of soil, Joshua runs up and leans over the trench and starts yelling "Grow flowers! Grow!" I laughed and tried to explain to him that it doesn't quite work like that and we have to be patient for the flowers to grow. Being the three year old like he is, he shrugged it off and ran off to play with his dogs.

It was so simple, but it stuck with me all last night. I was thinking about it this morning. I can still hear Joshua yelling "Grow flowers! Grow!" so intently at the ground. God reminded me of this tonight. I was sitting here, waiting to head to church, and honestly, feeling a little blue about getting my photography business started and having a steady flow of customers, then God slapped me with it. Plant the seed and watch it grow. It was so simple and something I have been taught all my life. So tonight, I planted my seed. God knows the hopes, dreams, and ambitions that are tied to that seed. Now it is my turn to be patient and wait for the harvest that will come. I can't wait to attest for the miracle that HE has done. I will keep planting my seeds as long as I can to nurture the initial one into what God desires it to be in my life. Until then, I wait patiently and will remain obedient.

New Life begins today!

Today, two dear friends of mine gave birth to their son. He is perfect, adorable, and just such a loved baby already. This child has such an enormous future of opportunity in front of him. One for sure to be filled with more love and happiness that can be imagined. The hard part is realizing that even through all the love and support, there will be bumps in the road that will be hard to cross. There will be moments that the hard realities of life will bombard him. But he has a hope! He will be taught the love and restoring grace of Jesus Christ!

Nine months ago tomorrow, those same two new parents were sitting in my hospital room as we welcomed my second son into the world. As I held him, I thought of the wonderful life he will have....and he is still having today. Caleb is such a happy go lucky baby and I can't wait to see him grow!

I wondered what my mother thought as she held me in her arms for the first time. Did she know the happiness that would be before me? Or all the pain that I would have to endure? The truth is, no. All she could do was teach me the ways of God and to fear and love HIM with all my heart and soul.

So because of that great lesson, I sit here tonight and reflect on my life. The happy moments. The pain of the past few months. The happiness that I am finding once again. The person I am becoming. The faith God is building ever stronger in me. The renewed love that God is giving me for my husband and my children. Wow....this new life that begins is so crazy, yet so wonderful. And no matter what happens in it I can rest assured I have a God holding my hand through it all. How wonderful is that!!!!

All I can say to my friends is love that baby with all your heart and show him Jesus.....as for Beckett....hang on baby boy! Its a wild and wonderful life! Have fun, love Jesus!

Finding myself....

Ezra 9:9
Though we are slaves, our God has not forsaken us in our bondage. He has shown us kindness in the sight of the kings of Persia: He has granted us new life to rebuild the house of our God and repair its ruins, and he has given us a wall of protection in Judah and Jerusalem.

Over the past few weeks, I have been able to take stock of my life and see things that were hidden to my sight. Things I would have never guessed about myself. Things that only God can reveal in a time of renewal and rebuilding.

I sit back and watch my baby boy...his sweet smile and his rambunctious antics. The things he is learning so quickly everyday. The way he first said "mama" only a few days ago. How much I love him even at a small 8 1/2 months.

I look at my Joshua, his blonde hair and huge blue eyes. His vivid imagination and love for his parents. The way simple things excite him. His heart to never see anyone hurt or upset and the way he loves people.

I look at my husband...though times are hard, I am thankful to still have him in my life. Still thankful that I can have him here to help me rediscover who I am and I can be there for him in the same way. I think of all the wonderful times we have had and despite the growing pains of this experience, how my heart still belongs to him....how I look forward to the way God is going to use us through this time.

My life may not be ideal at the moment, and I may not always understand, but it is my new life. I have to have faith that God will make it richer and fuller than ever and through this time, I can greater proclaim his greatness.....this is my prayer, this is my plea....

A new life, a new journey

Psalm 33:13-15, 18-22 NLT
The Lord looks down from Heaven and sees the whole human race. He made their hearts, so He understands everything they do...But the Lord watches over those who fear him, those who rely on His unfailing love. He rescues them from death and keeps them alive in times of famine. We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield. In Him, our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. Let Your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in You alone.

I woke up this morning in a home that I have only been in a few weeks. Two months ago, I was in a different place, living a life that seems like a dream now. Doing what God had called me to do....or so I thought. Then in one moment, my world came crashing down and I had nothing. Nothing but hope...hope in Christ that He would take care of me. And He came through. Even in this trying time, I can see the hand of God providing for me and my family. I am overwhelmed at this new life He is setting out in front of me. I can be honest and say that the path is not clear and I can't see the bumps or curves, but I just have to trust that where HE is leading me is safe, secure, and right, even when it is hard and I don't always understand.

As I travel this road, on this new journey, the pain and hurt are still so fresh and vivid in my mind. The wounds are still there and still "oozing" as someone told me this past week. I can not sit by and pretend that moments of weakness will not still emerge and come and break me down. But in those times, I can focus on His strength and let Him change the bandages on my wounds. Let Him wrap His arms around me as no one else can.

So many things have failed me lately. Things I thought were secure. Things and people I had placed my hope in. But God is changing that for me and working miracles before my very eyes. He is restoring my broken heart. He is giving me a new hope and a new identity...not in man as it once was, but in HIM. Through all of this one thing stands clear: YOUR LOVE NEVER FAILS. Thank you for Your unfailing love....