Finding myself....

Ezra 9:9
Though we are slaves, our God has not forsaken us in our bondage. He has shown us kindness in the sight of the kings of Persia: He has granted us new life to rebuild the house of our God and repair its ruins, and he has given us a wall of protection in Judah and Jerusalem.

Over the past few weeks, I have been able to take stock of my life and see things that were hidden to my sight. Things I would have never guessed about myself. Things that only God can reveal in a time of renewal and rebuilding.

I sit back and watch my baby boy...his sweet smile and his rambunctious antics. The things he is learning so quickly everyday. The way he first said "mama" only a few days ago. How much I love him even at a small 8 1/2 months.

I look at my Joshua, his blonde hair and huge blue eyes. His vivid imagination and love for his parents. The way simple things excite him. His heart to never see anyone hurt or upset and the way he loves people.

I look at my husband...though times are hard, I am thankful to still have him in my life. Still thankful that I can have him here to help me rediscover who I am and I can be there for him in the same way. I think of all the wonderful times we have had and despite the growing pains of this experience, how my heart still belongs to him....how I look forward to the way God is going to use us through this time.

My life may not be ideal at the moment, and I may not always understand, but it is my new life. I have to have faith that God will make it richer and fuller than ever and through this time, I can greater proclaim his greatness.....this is my prayer, this is my plea....

A new life, a new journey

Psalm 33:13-15, 18-22 NLT
The Lord looks down from Heaven and sees the whole human race. He made their hearts, so He understands everything they do...But the Lord watches over those who fear him, those who rely on His unfailing love. He rescues them from death and keeps them alive in times of famine. We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield. In Him, our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. Let Your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in You alone.

I woke up this morning in a home that I have only been in a few weeks. Two months ago, I was in a different place, living a life that seems like a dream now. Doing what God had called me to do....or so I thought. Then in one moment, my world came crashing down and I had nothing. Nothing but hope...hope in Christ that He would take care of me. And He came through. Even in this trying time, I can see the hand of God providing for me and my family. I am overwhelmed at this new life He is setting out in front of me. I can be honest and say that the path is not clear and I can't see the bumps or curves, but I just have to trust that where HE is leading me is safe, secure, and right, even when it is hard and I don't always understand.

As I travel this road, on this new journey, the pain and hurt are still so fresh and vivid in my mind. The wounds are still there and still "oozing" as someone told me this past week. I can not sit by and pretend that moments of weakness will not still emerge and come and break me down. But in those times, I can focus on His strength and let Him change the bandages on my wounds. Let Him wrap His arms around me as no one else can.

So many things have failed me lately. Things I thought were secure. Things and people I had placed my hope in. But God is changing that for me and working miracles before my very eyes. He is restoring my broken heart. He is giving me a new hope and a new identity...not in man as it once was, but in HIM. Through all of this one thing stands clear: YOUR LOVE NEVER FAILS. Thank you for Your unfailing love....