Finding myself....

Ezra 9:9
Though we are slaves, our God has not forsaken us in our bondage. He has shown us kindness in the sight of the kings of Persia: He has granted us new life to rebuild the house of our God and repair its ruins, and he has given us a wall of protection in Judah and Jerusalem.

Over the past few weeks, I have been able to take stock of my life and see things that were hidden to my sight. Things I would have never guessed about myself. Things that only God can reveal in a time of renewal and rebuilding.

I sit back and watch my baby boy...his sweet smile and his rambunctious antics. The things he is learning so quickly everyday. The way he first said "mama" only a few days ago. How much I love him even at a small 8 1/2 months.

I look at my Joshua, his blonde hair and huge blue eyes. His vivid imagination and love for his parents. The way simple things excite him. His heart to never see anyone hurt or upset and the way he loves people.

I look at my husband...though times are hard, I am thankful to still have him in my life. Still thankful that I can have him here to help me rediscover who I am and I can be there for him in the same way. I think of all the wonderful times we have had and despite the growing pains of this experience, how my heart still belongs to him....how I look forward to the way God is going to use us through this time.

My life may not be ideal at the moment, and I may not always understand, but it is my new life. I have to have faith that God will make it richer and fuller than ever and through this time, I can greater proclaim his greatness.....this is my prayer, this is my plea....